My name is Slade
by yamumsaman
Summary: Slade gets an unexpected vistor and decides to change his ways, and ends up in a very unusual relationship with someone....... dum dum dum! Full of laughs.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I do not own teen titans. (or do I!) (No I don't…………. do I?) (I'm not sure……. Or am I?) (I can't remember……………. Can I?) Lets just say I don't own teen titans (yet!) (Muhahahahahhahahhahahahhahahhahahahahhah!)

A/N: I wrote this Chapter with the help of my friend Artemis 85 formally known as Dumb ass and formally of the formally of the Dumb ass known as Emily. Ok then ppl on with the story………… Let us open our story book on the big chair………which is blue……….. no its red…………….. no its actually make from skunk skins……………ok then on with the story…………….. sit on the matt little children………… gather round everyone as we begin……………

Once upon a time in a land far, far away their lived a beautiful girl who had a mustache just like Hitler. She lived in a beautiful cupboard (were you expecting a castle!) with the all the little brooms and shovels, it was the most gorgeous cupboard in all the land . One day the broom hit her with the shovel and she became an ugly girl with a mustache, just like Hitler. She then planned put all the brooms and shovels in concentration camps, where she would kill them one by one, (angles voices can be heard singing merrily) and make the remaining ones dig holes, which would soon become their graves. (elves dance around in the background while the fairies play their harps, and the pixies fly around) She had just about killed all the brooms and shovels in the world, when she died of aids, unfortunately the cure of chicken noodle soup and lemonade was not available in those prehistoric times. The end.

Yamumsaman says: That was not the story…

Artemis 85:….yeah it was….

Yamumsaman:…..no it wasn't! Dumbass.

Artemis 85: HEY! Just because I can't think as fast as you can doesn't mean I'm a dumbass!

Yamumsaman:…sure okay…dumbass…but for the record that wasn't the story!.

Artemis 85:…Well it should have been cuz it was cool!.

Yamumsaman: Like I didn't know this! Its only cool cause a cool person wrote it, which was me.

Artemis 85: okay, okay I don't really give a crap in hell what the story was cuz…I just don't give a crap, lets just start cuz I think that the reviewers are either getting really pissed off at this crap, which is quite pointless or either they are getting off on this (Yamumsaman looks at Artemis 85 in disgust and pulls a face X( )...or they are laughing….which I hate cuz I'm more of a laugh at someone in pain kind of person.

Yamumsa(snow)man: aren't we all?

Artemis 85: Ha ha.

Yamumsa(snow)man: STOP CHANGING MY NAME!

Artemis 85: Who you talking to …the man!

Yamumsaman:…He controls everything…Even the economy! And he sends the chicken fish to collect the taxes, OF DOOM!

Artemis 85: Um sure buddy, he actually sends the sea monkeys! AHHHHHHHHH! RUN SCREAM HIDE! FUCK THE CHILDREN SAVE YOURSELVES!….oh and I read something very interesting in a book once (said Scottish accent.) that in the olden days when pigs flew, and George Bush was a woman (or before he was born) that if you didn't pay your taxes they would brick up your house while you were sleeping!…true story people!

Yamumsaman: Even their fish!

Artemis 85: Even their fish (nods)!

Yamumsaman: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! That's horrible! I know! We should steal his house keys!

Artemis 85: Then smoke weed on the porch?

Yamumsaman: Yes then on the roof! Our first step to world domination!

Artemis 85: You know there isn't really a world to dominate anymore cuz it's just a bunch of conspiracy's. Unless you're a dominatrix cuz then you can dominate stuff….

Yamumsaman: IT'S A CONSPIRACY! Um we better get on with the story as the ppl reading are most likely pissed at us………….. so yeah on with the story.

Artemis: It's just one giant fucking conspiracy (rocks back and forth in chair which eventually falls flat over on it's ass!) DAMN CHAIRS, THEY'RE FUCKING CONSPIRERING AGAINST ME! JUST LIKE THE ALIENS AND THE SNOWMEN AND THE DAMN FEDS!

Yamumsaman: XD rolls on floor laughing and almost pisses self then runs towards toilet, falls in toilet, screams, gurgles, bubbles, Artemis comes along and flushes toilet, no more bubbles.

Artemis 85: The best way to teach someone how to swim is to hold them under the water until the bubbles stop coming up. On with the story……. Oh and Yamumsaman had unfortunate accident in the toilet she is now not here among us……………. Shes at the supermarket. Once again on with the story………

"Owwwwww! My back!" Slade screams.

Slade's servant came into the room. Let us describe him, he was tall with a hunchback, and his arms were very close to his chest, his eyes were bloodshot (from smoking to much crack), and one of his hands were deformed and smaller than the other. His name was Hanson, which was rather ironic.

"May I help you master?" He asked

"Fuck off and leave me!"

"Oh I see………..someone has their period."

"WHAT DID YOU SAY TO ME YOU PIECE OF SHIT!"

"OoooOooo Temper, Temper."

"Get out handyman!" Slade said mildly sarcastically

"Actually I'm the janitor"

"..just get the fuck out, or do I have to give you a 'hand' with that." Slade said still with a sore back made a grab for the 'handyman'.

"Oh I see I'm just going to be the bigger man and walk away 'WALK' away." Hanson walked out the door.

"OHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! You wait till my back gets better and I can walk again! You have to sleep sometime! I WILL KILL YOU AND ALL OF YOUR FAMILY! YOU ARE A SKIDDMARK ON THE UNDER PANTS OF SOCIETY!"

Slade was alone in his room, he couldn't move so all he could do was think. A lot of bad things had been happening to him lately and he wondered why.

"Haven't I been a good person?"

All of a sudden his roof opened up and light shone down from the sky, the clouds parted and god appeared Monty Python styles.

"Man I've got to stop drinking!" Slade said to himself.

"SLADE!" God said in his almighty voice.

"…yep." Slade said shitting himself in fear, he knew he was going to die………….. well he actually couldn't die as that would fuck the story up, as he is the main character, we couldn't really have the whole story bout Hanson cleaning the toilet now could we? (could we? We will work on it). So Slade knew he was going to pay dearly not die but pay, ONE BILLION DOLLARS! MUHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHA! (Sorry we were just getting into the whole evil doctor thing.)

"SLADE I HAVE COME BEFORE YOU…….(the sounding of trumpets went off)…….TO TELL YOU….." God all of a suddenly farted, very loudly, it at least went on for 30 seconds.

"How dare you break wind before me!" Slade yelled.

"OH, I AM SORRY I DID NOT KNOW IT WAS YOUR TURN!" He said loudly

Slade rolled his one eye. "Riiiggghhhhtttt."

"ANYWAY, I HAVE COME TO TELL YOU THAT YOU HAVE BEEN A BAD BAD PERSON!"

"OoooooOoooooo Aren't I going to get any presents this year! I'm soooo frightened! **Cough** **cough** " Slade said sarcastically.

"SLADE! THIS IS WHAT IM TALKING ABOUT! YOU AND YOUR SMART MOUTH AND YOUR WHOLE TRYING TO TAKE OVER THE WORLD THING! I MEAN COME ON! THAT'S MY JOB! I WANT WORLD DOMINATION! DID I JUST SAY THAT OUT LOUD?"

"Yeah you did," Slade said nodding.

"OH SHIT! FORGET WHAT YOU JUST HEARD APART FROM THE SHIT ABOUT YOU!"

"Did you just swear! What about the whole Christian thing?"

"OH THAT'S A LOAD OF BULLSHIT, THE FIRST STEP TOWARDS MY WORLD DOMINATION THING. DID I MENTION THAT AGAIN!"

"Yep, fuck man you create the whole fucking world but you cant keep a secret, oh that's right the whole male thing, no multi tasking, we are good like that."

"I'LL FUCKING SAY! CONSPIRACY I TELL YOU! ANYWAY YOU KEEP THE WORLD DOMINATION THING TO YOURSELF AND I'LL PAY YOU BACK SOMEHOW. I HAVE COME BEFORE YOU TO TELL YOU TO STOP!"

"Stop what?"

"BEING AN ASSHOLE! THINK ABOUT IT! IT'S GONNA COME BACK AND BITE YOU BACK IN THE ASS, ITS CALLED KARMA!"

"Yeah I've heard about that,"

"WHO THE FUCK HASN'T, WHAT IM TRYING TO SAY IS ALL THIS BAD SHIT THAT IS HAPPENING TO YOU IS BECAUSE OF ALL THE BAD SHIT YOU'VE DONE, GET IT!"

"Yeah I do, I am an asshole." Slade actually looked like he might cry.

"SO YOU HAVE TO FIX IT! MAKE A LIST OF ALL THE BAD SHIT YOU'VE DONE TO EVERYONE THEN GO APOIGIZE TO THEM, AND DO SOMETHING FOR THEM TO MAKE IT UP."

"Ok, I will. Um before you go can I ask you something?"

"YEAH SURE MAN"

"What is the meaning of life?"

"WELL IT'S ( You know we cant show you what the meaning of life is, you have to find out when you die)

"That's fucking awesome! Alright god thanks for the advice and shit, laterz man, take care of yourself. Oh and good luck with world domination."

"THANKS SLADE. GOOD LUCK TO YOU AS WELL. LATERS MY HOMIE-G."

The clouds came back together and god was gone, lost to the darkness. The roof then closed up, which left Slade staring at it.

"HANSON! COME HERE I WANT YOU!"

"Yes master?"

"Look man I'm sorry bout being a dick earlier, I didn't really mean to offend you or anything."

"Well thank you for your apology, I didn't mean anything I said either."

"Did you hear anything coming from my room of anything like that?" Slade asked looking shifty.

"No master, I was cleaning the toilet."(We sooo could go on about this but I'm not going to, maybe later)

Slade's back all of a sudden seemed to feel better.

A/N: Well the end of a very long chappie. Wait till the next chappie as it is going to include Robin. It's going to be even better than this one! Well R&R ppl!

Luv Lee-lee (Yamumsaman) (Artemis 85 doesn't do the whole luv blah blah thing)

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	2. chapter 2

Disclaimer: I do not own teen titans (WHY! bangs head against wall while screaming)

A/N: Heres the next chappie ppl! And I love it! I have written it by myself this time so yeah.Oh and this story kinda contains a sex scene. Well thanks for you reviews ).

"Look what I found in the toilet master!" Hanson exclaimed

"What the fuck is that?" Slade said puzzled.

"It's a knuckle bone sir! What did you eat?"

"The shit you feed me!"

"Well what I fed you didn't look like this!" Said Hanson holding up a pink frilly dress.

"THAT CAME FROM THE FUCKING TOLIET?"

"Why yes it did."

"Ooooooooooooooooooooooookay?" Slade said rolling his one eyes.

There was a long pause of silent ness (ness, ness, ness, ness fades )

"Umm could you fetch me a pen and a piece of paper please Hanson?" Slade was now going to write his list, however he was still puzzled about how the dress got in the toilet, he suspected one of his evil guests he had over for diner.

"Here you are master" Said Hanson while passing over a pen and piece of paper.

"Thank you, you may leave now."

Hanson left the room carrying the dress in his hand, his deformed hand to be more precise. Slade suspected he had swallowed the knuckle bone, as it had disappeared.

"Ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm, bad things I've done………………………" Slade thought to himself, this is how the list ended up.

_SLADES LIST:_

_1: Tried to kill Robin._

_2: Stole Robins weed stash._

_3: Slept with Robins one and only love Starfire._

_4: Tried to take over the world, numerous times._

_5: Made Robin wear pink dress._

_6: Stole Robins Bed-sheets._

_7: Read Ravens diary._

_8: Stole Cyborg's porn._

_9: Stole Beast Boys porn._

_10: Taped over Speedy's entire first season of friends._

_11: Took over Tara's mind._

_12: Stole a loaf of bread, froze it then used it to rob a bank._

_13: Tried to kill George Bush (who hasn't?)_

_14: Smoked weed on the White house roof._

_15: Stole a car from a guy in a wheelchair. _

_16: Slept with many prostitutes then didn't pay them._

_17: Stole homeless guys alcohol._

_18: Glued Beast boy's hand to his dick while he was sleeping._

_19: Glued Cyborg's hand to his dick while he was sleeping._

_20: Stole Ravens collection of dildos then sold them on trade me._

_21: Shaved off Tara's hair then sold it on trade me._

_22: Stole Jupiter's moon while I was drunk._

_23: Stole a 'one legged' prostitutes fake leg._

_24: Smashed that old ladies gnome._

_25: Blew up the Teen Titan tower._

_26: Taped over Hanson's porn._

_27: Ate the last dodo bird in existence._

_28: Stepped on a dinosaur egg._

_29: Crashed my jet plane into the side of the mall._

_30: Anal probed the Aliens._

_31: Stole someone's liver._

_32: Stole the town key._

_33: Stole Georges Bushes house keys._

_34: Stole Georges Bushes car._

_35: High jacked a plane._

_36: Stole weapons of mass destruction from terrorist's._

_37: Stole Austin Powers's mojo._

_38: Ran over a little girls' cat._

_39: Ate A little boys goldfish._

_40: Robbed Wall-mart._

_41: Robbed K-mart._

_42: Robbed Pak'n'save._

_43: Robbed the warehouse._

_44: Shit on the gay guys lawn._

_45: Sent a swarm of killer bee's on Robin while he was covered in honey._

_46: Drugged Ravens Herbal Tea._

_47: Shit in the air vent of the Teen Titans tower._

_48: Pissed in Robin's room._

_49: Stole fat bastards Chicken._

_50: Took off Robins mask._

_51: Ate the last Chicken fish in existence._

_52: Hid the remote in the Teen Titans tower._

_53: Tagged 'Robin is the love of my life' on city hall._

_54: Replaced Starfire's mustard with moose piss._

_55: Pushed My last servant off Mount Everest. _

_56: Posed as a high school student to stalk Robin._

_57: Drained the world oceans._

_58: Married an Asian to keep her in the country._

_59: Tried to blow up the moon._

"Wow…………. That's a long list!" Slade thought to himself. He then decided since most of the things on the list were to do with the Teen Titans, he would go there first. He got out of bed and got dressed into everyday clothes, which were jeans, a shirt, and a sweater, which was a turtle neck. He pondered whether to wear his mask or not, not he decided. He folded the list and put it in his pocket, then walked out of his bedroom into the hallway.

"I'm going out Hanson, I may be some time."

"Will you be back in time for diner?" Hanson replied, coming into the room wearing a frilly pink apron.

"Um I'm not sure, put it in the oven if I'm not back in time."

"Ok then, have a nice outing" Hanson said smiling and waving (hey I thought men couldn't multi task, well Hanson is close enough to a woman, well he can cook cant he?).

"Yeah, um see you when I get back." Slade was starting to think Hanson was gay.

It was an all right day, not the best but good. He strode over to his car and got inside. He drove out his long driveway and his gate automatically closed behind him. On his way he stopped off and brought some flowers and mustard for Starfire, some herbal tea and painkillers for Raven, some porno mags and video games for Beast Boy and Cyborg, and a new mask and a news paper for Robin. He then made his way towards the Teen Titans tower.

Slade knocked on the door of the Teen Titans Tower clutching the bags containing the gifts in his hands. He wondered what the Teen Titans would say to him, Robin would mostly likely pull out a gun and hold him at gunpoint, and everyone will try to convince him not to shot him. The door opened and he saw Raven.

"Um hello……….. What are you doing here!"

"Hi, I have come to say sorry for everything I've done to you guys, I want to make it up to you."

"WHAT THE FUCK IS HE DOING HERE! I GONNA KILL YOU MOTHER FUCKER!" Robin screamed.

Raven suddenly raised him 10 feet in the air then dropped him.

"Calm down Robin" Raven said.

"CALM DOWN! HOW CAN I FUCKING CALM THE FUCK DOWN HUH? THIS GUY HAS TRIED TO KILL ME NUMEROUS TIMES AND I HAVE TO CALM DOWN? THAT IS SOME WEAK ASS BULLSHIT!"

"Look Robin, I have come to apologize to all of you, I want to have a fresh start with all of you."

"Alright then, come in" Raven said inviting Slade into the tower.

"Um look I want to spend individual time with each of you to apologize." Slade said to everyone.

"I am going in a room alone with the scum of the earth!" Robin yelled.

"I'll let you bring a gun" Slade said to Robin

"Oh alright then"

Slade kinda did a bit of a happy dance on the spot, and boy did it look gay! He then placed the gifts he bought on the table, and handed them out to their receivers.

"Dude!" BB and Cyborg exclaimed, "This kicks ass!"

"Why thank you friend Slade, I love the beverage of mustard!" Starfire said kindly.

"Oh Jesus I needed these" said Raven holding up the pain killers.

"Um well thank you for your generosity Slade" Robin said with the most fakest smile on his face.

"Ok Robin, I've done the most bad things to you so you should go first,"

"Am I still allowed to bring the gun!"

"Sure, why don't we go to your room then?"

"Ok, follow me."

Robin leaded the way towards his room and opened the door for Slade. This caused him so much agony.

Slade looked around the room, it was full of newspaper clippings, mostly about him.

When Robin shut the door Slade noticed a picture of him in his mask on the door, it had a number of darts through it.

"So robin I made a list and here are all the bad things I've done to you personally, you may talk when I am finished reading."

Slade then read out all the things on the list that involved Robin.

"YOU SLEPT WITH STARFIRE!"

"Yeah, who hasn't slept with her!" Slade said laughing.

"Um how about ME!" Robin said close to tears.

"Oh right, sorry" Slade replied trying hard not to laugh.

Slade stood next to Robin. His hand brushed against Robin's and couldn't help but lean over and kiss him. He was than totally surprised to be kissed back, with tongue. Slade threw his arms around Robin and Robins around Slade.

They then fell over onto the bed, and continued to kiss. They both started to undress and rub up against each other. (A/N: This is some sick shit!)

Outside Robins room………

"What are they talking about?" BB asked.

"I don't know, all I can hear is groans!" Cyborg yelled back.

"GROANS!" Cyborg and BB said together, confused.

"Like groans of pain or (BB Shivered) ……..Pleasure?" BB asked, fearing the answer.

"Well from my experience, I'd say pleasure." Cyborg said Shivering also.

"AHHHHHHHHHH!" BB and Cyborg ran away from Robins Bedroom door screaming.

Back in Robins room…………….

Robin and Slade were lying in bed together, Robin was lying on Slade's chest.

"Well as they say, its not the quantity it's the quality." Slade whispered into Robins ear, then gave him a kiss.

A/N: Well there you have it ppl another chappie, another laugh and another shock. I will update soon, I am soooooooo looking forward to writing the next chappie! Remember R&R! Nice comments and ideas welcome!

Lataz ppl

Luv lee-lee

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	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: I do not own teen titans. (dam it!)

A/N: Well ppl my last chappie was quite sick really, I almost threw up while writing it! But I felt better cause it made me laugh lol! Ok then heres the next chappie thanks for your reviews! xoxoxoxoxoxo to all those who reviewed ma stories!

Cyborg came running into the living room screaming, BB followed also screaming.

"What happened to you guys?" Raven asked calmly sipping her tea.

"Robin, Slade, bed, TOGETHER!" Cyborg and BB said together out of breath.

"Slow down you guys, I want full sentences," Raven said smoothly.

"Well we were outside Robins bedroom listening for gun shots, when we heard groans, GROANS OF PLEASURE!" BB exclaimed.

"MY EARS THEY BURN, THEY BURN LIKE THE FIRES OF HELL!" Cyborg screamed.

"What is this 'pleasure' that you speak of, friend Beast Boy?" Starfire asked.

"No time to talk, follow me!" Cyborg said taking on the role of the leader.

Everybody shrugged and followed Cyborg, he leaded them to Robins room.

"Prepared to be shocked everyone!" BB said

Cyborg kicked down the door and there in a tight embrace on the bed, was Slade and Robin, who were naked I might add.

"Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhh SHIT!" Starfire said unexpectedly.

Everyone just stared at her.

"What like I don't know proper English or anything!" She snapped

"Anyway, LOOK!" Raven yelled, pointing at Robin and Slade.

"You know it's rude to point!" Slade said in a matter of fact tone.

"Look we have an explanation for this!" Robin said, covering his body with a sheet.

"What you tripped fell and landed on his dick!" said BB while high-fiving Cyborg.

"What shocks me is that you are still wearing your mask!" Raven yelled.

" I can't believe you wear your mask while your on the job!" Cyborg said laughing, again him and BB high-fived.

Robin evil glared everyone in the room, except for Slade that is.

"Um I don't really think I want my alone time with friend Slade now" Starfire said looking shifty, she then left the room.

" Well thanks for the porn Slade, me and BB might go watch it now." Cyborg said feeling guilty. Him and BB then left as well.

"I need some more tea," Raven said, leaving the room also.

They were again alone in the room.

"Look, I'm sure everything will be just fine" Slade said trying to reassure Robin.

"The titans are probably hating me right now." Robin said sighing.

"It's going to be ok, if they truly are your friends they will like you no matter what."

"I better put on some pants and go talk to them."

Robin got out of bed (with much dismay from Slade) and started to get dressed. He walked out of his room leaving Slade in there. He made his way towards the lounge. As he walked in he saw everyone was in there, it looked like they were having a discussion, most likely about him.

"Um………hey Robin," everyone said looking shifty.

"Hey everyone, I have something to say," Robin said.

"So do we," Raven said, representing the rest of the titans.

"You go first."

"Ok then, since we are your friends we except your relationship with Slade and fully support you."

"Thanks you guys, but I don't really think you need to worry anymore."

"Why friend Robin?" Starfire asked.

"Well you see, I'm going to leave the titans."

There were several gasps and a very long NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

A/N: This chappie is short (well shorter than my others) because I'm just not really in the mood for writing, so the next chappie might take a while but the more reviews I get the faster I'll get it done! Ha ha! Read and review ppl oh and suggestions welcome!

Luv lee-lee

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	4. Chapter 4

A/N: Ok ppl I know I haven't updated as soon as I'd hoped to but a lot of shits been going down so I haven't really had time, ok, ok it's a fucking lie, to be honest I couldn't be fucked, don't hate the player hate the game bro. That makes no total sense but oh well I'm a fucked up person as you all know, well here goes another famous chappie.

Disclaimer: I do not own teen titans, but I will one day, if the toast doesn't get them first, the toast is planning world domination I know it! The green ham is teaming up with it, they have a conspiracy against me I swear! Anyway enough of my bulshit and lets get on with it.

Everyone turned and stared at Starfire, she was on the ground screaming.

"Um Starfire…….?" Raven asked.

"Shizit! (my new word! Spread it around people!) He was mine! I love him! How can Slade, his worst enemy, steal him! I CANT BELIEVE I SLEPT WITH YOU SLADE! YOU SAID YOU WOULD HELP ME! YOU SAID HE WOULD BE MINE!" Starfire screamed.

Slade ran and wrapped his arms around her.

"It's going to be ok" he says as he kisses her softly.

"Hey whats going on! I thought you loved me!" Robin yelled.

"Robin, Robin, Robin, sweetie, I'm a bi-sexual, oh and I have aids."

"SO NOW I HAVE AIDS!"

"Pretty much yeah, sorry I forgot to mention it before I had sex with you, deepest regrets."

"That means I don't want to date your ass then, I don't want aids" Starfire said all gangsterish.

Beast Boy then started to spray everything with Mr muscle (dnt own it, but it smells nice) that Robin and Slade touched.

Even though Robin had just slept with Slade he still was annoyed, it had been his goal forever to sleep with Starfire, but now that he had aids….

Slade then collapsed on the floor in fits of laughter,

"Bro I don't got aids and neither do you, I was just fucking with you."

"IM GONNA KILL YOU! No wait, first." Robin then swept Starfire off her feet and took her towards her room. He then yelled out.

"I'll be free by tomorrow morning!"

Unfortunately Robin was so excited he forgot about the condom and before he could remember he and Starfire had already done 'it'.

A/N: I know this chappie's a lil short but it's a good one, I mean Starfire and Robin parents? Dude! Ok, ok I need reviews otherwise I will not update! Muahahahhahahaha I'm evil! Go me! R&R ppl or I will eat you! Actually I wont but I will hurt the pie!


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